Seriously, wack of the week number #1

I have come across a bit of a collection of… strange artifacts of madness and insanity. You just can’t believe the shit that’s out there. If I have not managed to make fun here of your particular beliefs, do not feel left out, I will probably get around to you next week. Unless you don’t actually believe anything strange…

For the first prize this week, a Mormon video (wonder if I should credit the person through whom I found it. If you think I should, drop me a mail or a tweet or something and I’d be happy to add you):

Alright, ok, I know it’s not ‘official’ Mormon doctrine and you shouldn’t take it too seriously, and that getting your information from a cartoon is perhaps not the best idea but you have to admit, it’s wack, funny as shit and somebody cared enough about what’s in it to make it in the first place.

Now, behold, for your viewing pleasure, this winner of a fanatic (ok, I know, you’ve already seen the picture, if you haven’t, er, I hate to say it, but get your damn eyes tested). In my youth, as a… very weighty rock music enthusiast I have seen some interesting things  scratched onto arms. Never before have I seen a man do it with so much… gusto:

Jesus, a real pain in the arm

Ah, The Family. What can one say about the family? I love those guys. They go out of their way to prove just how seriously screwed up people can be. Their antics do amuse me though. What you need to consider is that they get their instructions from the same book as the Methodists, Catholics, Baptists and Jehovah’s Witnesses. Misunderstand the manual much? Ok, you should go read the link below, you really should, it is… enlightening to say the least. I have taken the liberty of quoting one or two lines for you who are disinclined to follow a link and read:

The archive here: http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Love_words_to_Jesus

The following list of sexually explicit expressions was published by Karen Zerby as examples her followers could use when making love to Jesus, during masturbation or intercourse.

Yes, seriously. I shit, you, not.

Excerpts:

Come to Me, Jesus! Be here with me and love me. Let’s hold each other and say words of love to each other.

Come to my bed, come to my arms, come to my kisses, to my lips!

Jesus, You’re the Lover of all lovers.

You’re beautiful, Jesus, and so sexy–sexier than I ever dreamed–so handsome, so naked and so hard!

Jesus, I’ll do anything for You. I’ll do anything to give You pleasure. Let me satisfy You. Teach me what You like best.

I crave You, Jesus. I’m hot for You! My legs are spread to receive Your penis! Enter into me! Give me Your seeds.

Yea, look, I could carry on quoting but lets face it, we’re both getting a little uncomfortable with that list of winners. I do wonder if there is an age restriction attached to those gems…

Mathematics does not seem to be high up on the list of priorities of this winner. Nor, it seems, is actually understanding how evolution works but I’ll let him go on that, people like Ray Comfort have built an entire industry around ‘Not Understanding How A Very Simple Thing Like Evolution Works’, you can’t expect other people to start paying attention if their leaders are unable to grasp simple concepts:

B'cos I can't read and teh skool mafs was hard

Full story here: http://www.helpfeedthetroll.com/yahoo-answers/i-triple-checked-the-arithmetics-these-numbers-are-irrefutable/

Should you have some trouble with the whole evolution thing, check out Tim’s post here: http://timcooley.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/some-common-misconceptions-about-evolution/

This one isn’t strictly speaking ‘wack’ but just to illustrate how it is possible to arrive at the above conclusion; this is pretty much what it’s like for a scientist to talk to a creationist. If you agree with the creationist, however, I insist that you tell me at great length why (except holyfire23 because I’ve had enough of speaking to that lost cause):

I saw it first on PZ Myers’s blog here: http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/01/every_creationist_argument_ive.php

This last one, while I do sympathise with the children (it’s not their fault) and I don’t like seeing bad things happen to kids who could not control the situation, I have a hard time feeling much for the adults. The irony gets me however…

Full story here: http://en.rian.ru/russia/20100125/157674817.html

Excerpt:

Some 50 people were poisoned in the east Siberian city of Irkutsk which the local consumer watchdog said on Monday could have been caused by “holy water” taken from wells during religious ceremonies of Epiphany.

The regional Investigation Committee, which is looking into the mass poisoning, said all the victims complained of “symptoms of acute intestinal infection” and high temperature, and 40 of them, including 22 children, have been hospitalized.

The consumer watchdog Rospotrebnadzor said water the victims took from two wells near a church on January 19, when the Orthodox Church celebrated the baptism of Christ, or Epiphany, could be the source of infection. Water is believed to become holy and have healing properties during Epiphany.

“All the victims are known to have taken water from two wells near the Archangel Michael Church and from an ice hole made in a nearby lake,” the regulator said.

No other details and comments are currently available.

Many people believe any water – even from the taps from the kitchen sink – poured or bottled by Christians on Epiphany becomes holy. The water sanctified in churches is often stored by believers for long periods.

No matter how hard you wish guy, the natural laws of the universe just do no get suspended especially for you, regardless of how important you believe you are.

The height of a full-grown, full-size llama is between 1.7 meters (5.5 ft) and 1.8 meters (6 ft) tall at the top of the head. They can weigh between approximately 130 kilograms (280 lb) and 200 kilograms (450 lb). At birth, a baby llama (called a cria) can weigh between 9.1 kilograms (20 lb) and 14 kilograms (30 lb).

Re-post: Homeopathy by the (mind-boggling) numbers

The full article by Matt Parker is at: http://timesonline.typepad.com/science/2010/01/homeopathy-by-the-mindboggling-numbers.html you should go read it. You should especially go read it if you believe in homoeopathy (I’m trying to be nice.). It boggles the mind. I don’t really know what a boggle is.

I have just purchased a packet of Boots-brand 84 arnica homeopathic 30C Pills for £5.09, which Boots proudly claim is only 6.1p per pill. Their in-store advice tells me that arnica is good for treating “bruising and injuries”, which gives the impression that this is a very cost-effective health-care option.

Unlike most medication, it didn’t list the actual dose of the active ingredient that each pill contains, so I checked the British Homeopathic Association website. On their website it nonchalantly states that to make a homeopathic remedy, they start with the active ingredient and then proceed to dilute it to 1 per cent concentration. Then they dilute that new solution again, so there is now only 0.01 per cent of the original ingredients. For my 30C pills this diluting is repeated thirty times, which means that the arnica is one part in a million billion billion billion billion billion billion.

The arnica is diluted so much that there is only one molecule of it per 7 million billion billion billion billion pills.

It’s hard to comprehend numbers that large. If you were to buy that many pills from Boots, it would cost more than the gross domestic product of the UK. It’s more than the gross domestic product of the entire world. Since the dawn of civilisation. If every human being since the beginning of time had saved every last penny, denarius and sea-shell, we would still have not saved-up enough to purchase a single arnica molecule from Boots.

Then the process of consuming enough pills to get that one molecule also boggles the mind. You can try imagining Wembley Stadium completely filled with people, all drinking pints of medicine at the rate of two an hour. For just one of these people to eventually consume one molecule, you would need a million Wembley Stadiums all at full capacity with people who have drinking pints constantly since the Earth formed 4.5 billion years ago. Oh, and you’d need 737 million such Earths.

I have just purchased a packet of Boots-brand 84 arnica homeopathic 30C Pills for £5.09, which Boots proudly claim is only 6.1p per pill. Their in-store advice tells me that arnica is good for treating “bruising and injuries”, which gives the impression that this is a very cost-effective health-care option.
Unlike most medication, it didn’t list the actual dose of the active ingredient that each pill contains, so I checked the British Homeopathic Association website. On their website it nonchalantly states that to make a homeopathic remedy, they start with the active ingredient and then proceed to dilute it to 1 per cent concentration. Then they dilute that new solution again, so there is now only 0.01 per cent of the original ingredients. For my 30C pills this diluting is repeated thirty times, which means that the arnica is one part in a million billion billion billion billion billion billion.
The arnica is diluted so much that there is only one molecule of it per 7 million billion billion billion billion pills.
It’s hard to comprehend numbers that large. If you were to buy that many pills from Boots, it would cost more than the gross domestic product of the UK. It’s more than the gross domestic product of the entire world. Since the dawn of civilisation. If every human being since the beginning of time had saved every last penny, denarius and sea-shell, we would still have not saved-up enough to purchase a single arnica molecule from Boots.
Then the process of consuming enough pills to get that one molecule also boggles the mind. You can try imagining Wembley Stadium completely filled with people, all drinking pints of medicine at the rate of two an hour. For just one of these people to eventually consume one molecule, you would need a million Wembley Stadiums all at full capacity with people who have drinking pints constantly since the Earth formed 4.5 billion years ago. Oh, and you’d need 737 million such Earths.

Dammit man, Hemant said to make the posts shorter but I can’t bloody help myself. I CAN’T leave out the 737 million Earths bit, I just can’t.

Save a sheep, love a llama. (No, I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.)